A Black Family In 6th Century England Eating Sandwiches, Other Media Absurdities & Typos
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I started watching the first episode of NBC's Merlin last night and turned it off in disgust within minutes. This miserable excuse for a historical television drama is a great example of how our entire culture is now paying the price for disregarding education and devaluing intelligence through equating it with pocket protector, horn rimmed glasses wearing nerds whose only purpose for existence is to get beat up for the lolz.
Within a couple of minutes of the opening credits, there was a scene with a black family. Ok... a black family? In England? In the 6th century? That was centuries before the Moorish conquests and even then, there would never be a fully black family in England since no black women ever accompanied the Moor forces! But the best part was when the daughter fixed the father "a sandwich." This, of course, was 12 centuries before the Earl of Sandwich was born and lent his name to his invention of a hunk of meat between two slices of bread! Let's not even talk about the Norman architecture they were shooting in which had no choice but to have been built after 1066 which was the date of the Norman Conquest!
I had to try hard not to puke.
However, after due reflection, I realized that I should be more sad than nauseous. The art form once mastered by The Editor has been replaced by the rapid fire ignorance of the countless under-educated and unintelligent pseudo-writers of this obtuse age. Let's check out some of their highlights (or lowlights) in the news media:
Firefighters to deal with not just the fire with people in the middle of the road ejaculating - KABC-TV
Queen Elizabeth has 10 times the lifespan of workers and lays up to 2,000 eggs a day - Reuters
Missippi's literacy program shows improvement - Associated Press
Student excited dad got head - Daily Kansan
Crack Found In Man's Buttocks - Fox 5 Baltimore
One armed man applauds the kindness of strangers - Tulsa World
Tiger Woods Plays With His Own Balls - Associated Press
Utah Poison Control Center reminds everyone not to take poison - Salt Lake Tribune
Although the Toronto Argonauts CFL football team were on the road, the stadium was filled with blue shits - CityNews
Sex Eduction Works To Delay Intercourse - Fox News
Swine Fule - The Times Of India
On pubic display - CTV News
An election in which John F. Kerry narrowly defeated Richard Nixon - Washington Post
The Reverend stated "you never know what the impact of your semon is going to be." - Lockhart Post Register
DOE to do NEPA's EIS on BNFL's AMWTP at INEEL after SRA protest - Idaho Mountain Express
Sen. Robert Creedon will leave the Legislature to seek the cunty clerk of courts job - Quincy Patriot Ledger
Marshall McLuhan's "The Medium Is The Massage." - New York Times Magazine
Night To Remember For Team Titantic - New York Post
Rebecca Romijnlandsinaprime-timecomedy. - Newsweek
Sentenced to 5 Years, 10 Months for Frau. - ABC News
The New York State Departmentportationion and Finance - New York Times
Gen. Robert E. Lee was one of the great hores of American history - Lockhart Post Register
... in a New York hospital with hepatitis C, a collapsed lung and a heart infection and suffering a collapsed lung. - E! Online
...voluntarily recall 94,400 pounds of frozen ground beef panties. - New York Times
The folks down in Atlanta at the CNN center must have been spending a bit too much time in that city's superlative bars, as they are worthy of a series of Hubs just to highlight their stupidity alone!
Access to untelligence
Barack Osama
Where's Obama Bin Laden?
Rains likely in WA and OR. Dry in the Pacific Northwest.
Clashes, strike shit down Greece airport
Bush pledges "we're going to come" this economic crisis
He claimed to have met Osama bin Laden in Afghanistan after joining anal Qaeda group
Suger Bowl
Bush speaks on terroism
Jackson's ex-wide
Mandona performs on a cross at London's Wembly Arena
Nuclear plant saftey
The Digial Camera Fights For Life
Bisops warn against witchcraft
and one that's on the CNN home page as I write this:
Bascilica bones belong to apostle St. Paul
Then, of course, we have some great examples from Jay Leno's phenomenal Headlines segment:
22 NFL Quarterbacks Have Felt His Sack
Autumn: Chilly Hummers & Noisy Peckers
Boneless, Skinless Amish Breasts
Children Living Without Limbs Lack Support
Dogs & Cats On Menu At Shelter Adoption Luau
Dr. Joel Kaplan's Penis Pumps: Gain 103 Inches
Fried Chicken Cooked in Microwave Wins Trip
Legislator Wants Tougher Death Penalty
Lovely Home at 10741 Pig Turd Alley
Police to Probe Barton's Backside
Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again
The Needle In The Gay Stack
TV Ads Boost Eating of Obese Children By 130%
Woman Improving After Fatal Crash
The winner has to be the New Hampshire & Vermont Valley News which really takes the cake, as it misspelled its own name on the front page!
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Thanks for the kind words! Much appreciated! What astounds me is that at a time when many newspapers are folding and broadcast news departments are shrinking at an unprecedented pace, that there aren't more than enough over-qualified journalists taking over the jobs of these complete and utter illiterates! :(
The editors need editors!
dori
Today's editors mostly need long jail sentences! :)
he-he :D Thanks for the giggles :)
I'd love to go through and find some famous Pravda typos from the Bad Old Days. Now those would be fun! :)
LOL They had quite a few of those, and this was a kind of a gasp of a fresh air when people laughed over them :)
Even better were slogans that were palced in a lot of spaces on the streets, etc. One of the finest ones probably being "Our target is Communism" - put on a shooting ground. :D
Hey, Misha! You're in DC! Why don't you go set up one of those "targets" on the White House lawn? I'll be glad to pay ya! :)
LOL I am not that desperate for money Hal. :D
There are so many such anachronisms in television shows that I play a game -- each one I notice, I eat a piece of candy. I'm rather overweight. Apart from that, I try to ignore them and focus on character development, etc. The dialogue in Merlin is very modern; I suspect the makers deliberately "updated" the whole thing to entice younger viewers. I long ago (working with directors who wanted to do something different with Shakespeare than what was on the page) gave up trying for perfection. I'll leave that to the academics. Pass the chocolate, please?
Misha what part of DC do you live in?
Misha: Come on, dude. It will be fun! Imagine the press coverage that we'd get. We'd even post clearly on the target itself: Misha & Hal Licino - HubPages.com! That's got to be worth a million page views easy! :)
Teresa McGurk: If I adopted your eat a piece of candy rule, I'd go from morbidly obese to "Float Me Over The SuperBowl." :)
So funny. You should host your own TV show!
Gypsy, by all means, feel free to contact the major broadcast and cable networks. If you can sell the HAL LICINO COMEDY HOUR, you can be my official agent and collect 15% of my earnings for the rest of my life.
BTW, did you know that Col. Tom Parker (who really was Andreas Cornelis van Kuijk and was as much of a Colonel as I am) collected 50% of Elvis' lifetime earnings? GASP!
What? a Dutchman changed his name to an American name? That's seriously wrong - we normally don't care what people think of us. (Of course, Alexander Mark is not my real name either :-) )
Hal, there is so much ridiculous pc stuff out there, I really think that there is some kind of leftist conspiracy to shove bad history down our throats to homogenize everyone. But I guess it's all about mixing and matching to get ratings. Looking at a future show, it still drives me nuts that in the recent version of Battlestar Galactica, they had Hummers, diesel too. I can suspend reality to watch a show, but at least they should be clever about it. And you would think that when they produce a show that takes place in the time of wooden tables and once a year showers, they would get some minor details like sandwiches and correct racial representation right.
On the flip side, I haven't seen all the Star Trek Voyagers, but I remember getting mad because they had a black Vulcan. They were all white, why suddenly pc? But he was the best darn Vulcan since Nimoy, and he grew on me quickly. It's a fantasy, I can take it.
You have an absolutely great and very intelligent sense of humor. And maybe indeed you should host a TV show, we definitely have a lack of intelligence on TV....
Love your sense of humor. Grat article.
Amusing but true
Alexander Mark: Col. Tom Parker was really a piece of work. He was a lifelong illegal alien in the USA and couldn't leave the country as he'd never be let back in. Somehow he managed to get into the US Army when he was 20 and he took on the name of his own Base Captain, Tom Parker! Not even his own brother in the Netherlands knew where he was until he finally recognized him in a publicity photo with Elvis! As for the incredibly stupid PC-ness of placing an African family in 6th century England, why don't we go all the way and include North American First Nations and Australian aboriginals too!?Just think, we could watch a show about King Arthur's Camelot that would include a Green Corn Busk ceremony to the music of didgeridoos! OMG... I either gotta stop watching TV or I have to be hired as a studio screenwriter! :)
BTW, I thought that Tim Russ was the best Vulcan since Nimoy as well! Actually better than Quinto who chose (or was directed) to play an emotional Spock as he was portrayed in The Cage.
Wanderlust: Thanks! Gypsy Willow wants me to have my own show too! I'm all for it! Convince a network honcho and I'll be on the next flight to L.A. Hell, I couldn't possibly be worse than Conan or... gag... Jimmy Fallon... puke...
Sandyspider: Thanks! I appreciate it!
ethel smith: I just don't understand why they have to be so friggin' ILLITERATE! GRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Good eye, Hal. I agree with the suggestion you get your own TV show pointing out anachronisms such as the Merlin bit above. Thanks.
I have a great idea! Let's form a Hub group and pitch all the studios!!!! The Hal Show! I'll kick Jon Stewart's butt all over the dial! :)
Actually I'd love nothing better than to be able to expand my Hub writing to another medium. I'm MORE than open to ideas! :)
There was a significant black population in Roman Britain. Other details are definitely inaccurate, however, not the fact that there were black people in the scene.
pvrust 2 years ago
Hal, your insight on this is rather hilarious. These obvious mistakes of ignorance are like having a bowl of fresh pasta served to you on a hot dog bun, rather obvious but most people would probably scarf it down.
In todays society and looking like it dates back a few years, who needs to make sense? People seem to have too much on their minds to pay attention.
I guess its too bad the journalistic art form is some how being watered down and the end product is what you have clearly pointed out here.
keep up the great work
Gary Rust -Pura Vida!